STAYING ALIVE

TEEN SUICIDES ARE RISING AND GLBT TEENS ARE MOST AT RISK

 

Josh Shipman 10th Grade Photo

October 5th marked one year since Josh Shipman took his own life. He was one week from his sixteenth birthday. Not a day has gone by that Matt Shipman hasn’t thought about his son or wondered if there was something he could have done to save Josh’s life.

Josh was effeminate. He liked playing with Barbie dolls, and constantly drew pictures of women in big ball gowns. When he was five, Matt recalls asking him point blank, "Josh, do you want to be a boy or a girl?" His answer, of course, was the latter.

Josh’s parents divorced when he was four. By the time Josh was in eighth grade, he came to live with his dad full-time. Josh was a constant discipline problem and, according to Matt, Josh’s mom just couldn’t handle him anymore. "She said if I didn’t take him, she would turn Josh over to the state. She just flat gave up on him. What Josh wanted more than anything was a mom. I think that just devastated him," says Matt.

Matt says Josh’s mom never really accepted him being gay. Matt was all right with it, but he admits having a problem with Josh’s swishing and his girlish behavior. At school Josh was bullied and harassed. Eventually he refused to take the bus to school for fear of what might happen to him.

On that fateful October night in 2006, Matt and Josh had a heated argument. Matt called the police,

Matt Shipman with Josh

then Josh eventually settled down and went to bed. When Matt entered Josh’s bedroom later that night to check on him, he found his son sitting in the closet. "I looked up and I could see he was hanging. I reached over and touched his face and he was cold. That was the end of that beautiful kid," Matt cries.

Jan Ulrich lost her son, Nathan Eisert, to suicide in 2001. He was a 20-year-old Western Kentucky University basketball star who suffered a painful injury. Unable to play again, depressed, then left by his girlfriend, Nathan shot himself in his dorm room. After Nathan died, Ulrich set out to prevent this kind of tragedy from happening to another family – and she started doing it at her son’s funeral.

Ulrich is now the Suicide Prevention Marketing Specialist for the Kentucky Department of Mental Health. "We’ve been taught in our society if you talk about suicide, you’ll cause somebody to do it," she says. "I made it very clear we were going to talk about this issue in a way that was helpful and not sweep it under the rug. One in five adolescents is already contemplating suicide. It’s deadly not to talk about it."

In the latest figures available from the CDC, the youth suicide rate in the U.S. increased an alarming 14% from 2003-2004, the highest spike in 15 years. A growing body of research suggests gay, lesbian and bisexual teens are two to three times more likely to consider or attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers. Some studies indicate the rate of attempted suicide among transgender youth is more than 50%. GLB teens may comprise as many as 30% of completed suicides.

Gary Remafeldi, Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at the University of Minnesota says, "It’s homophobia that’s killing these kids." From his study of 150 gay and lesbian youths in Minnesota, he concluded, "The youths who are at the greatest risk for suicide are the ones who are least likely to reveal their sexual orientation to anyone. Suicide may be a way of making sure no one ever knows."

Terry

Matt Shipman

Haugen-Sjostrom, Clinical Director for Crisis Connection, a non-profit helpline in Minneapolis, says, "Our values say that to be homosexual is to be different. In adolescence, finding out who we are, who we want to fall in love with, is our job. So to find you are someone not accepted by the culture makes it hard to go on."

Ulrich and organizations like the Kentucky Suicide Prevention Group hope to stop the rising tide of teen suicide through outreach, education, and special training for anyone who works with young people on a daily basis. Mental health experts say laws protecting youth from bullying and harassment are crucial. Kentucky’s legislature as a whole doesn’t concur. Our representatives in Frankfort haven’t yet been able to come up with a bullying protection measure they agree on. In March, Senate Republican Leaders opposed an anti-bullying bill passed unanimously in the House. State Senator Tim Shaughnessy, a Louisville Democrat who supported the bill, said the opposing party leadership felt the anti-harassment policy "would be used as part of the gay rights agenda."

If you know a gay teen you suspect is having suicidal thoughts, here are some of the warning signs and questions to ask:

Thought - First, ask if they've had thoughts of hurting themselves. Intent - Then, ask if it’s something they think they could actually do. Plan - Ask to see if they have a specific plan of when, where, and how they would actually do it. Means - Find out if they have the means to carry the plan through.

As for parents who have lost a child, Ulrich says the pain never goes away; it just hurts less as time goes on. "After my son’s death it took me four years to even say the word healing."

Matt Shipman says faith is what helps him cope with the loss. "I believe God will take care of Josh. I believe in a resurrection." On Matt’s wrist is a black jelly bracelet Josh always wore. One day at work Matt was hassled by one of his co-workers about it. "Hey, that’s a gay bracelet, dude," the man said. Matt replied, "This is part of Josh to me. Don’t you dare tease me about it. I look forward to handing this bracelet back to him someday."

For more information, go to the Kentucky Suicide Prevention Group’s website: www.mhmr.ky.gov or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK.

 By Chip Alfred

chip@g3illustrated.com