MySpace. MyStalk. MyObsess.

If you say you’ve never MyStalked a loved one, friend or colleague…think again.

MyStalking, or following someone’s actions on MySpace, is a growing pastime – especially amongst the ladies. Ever wonder what really happened at your love interest’s party last week? Just check out the comments left by people on her MySpace page. It may lead you to the truth, or will it?

MyStalking puts me in that “secret-squirrel” mind frame, like I’m a super sleuth analyzing clues. I can even picture myself in the ol’ trench coat and fedora. I’m definitely not alone. MyStalking is a popular tool in the lesbian community for a wide variety of means – such as keeping up with girlfriends, keeping up with ex-girlfriends and keeping up with fresh meat. While the boys frequent sites such as ManHunt, we ladies seem to find more solace in MySpace.

I’m not going to lie to you good people. I have MyStalked plenty of people in my time. I have found myself looking through the comments left on a lover’s page just to see who is saying what to her. If a comment seems too cozy or is filled with possible innuendo, then I click on that person’s profile and read through it. Are they sleeping together? Did they kiss? What does that bitch mean, “I had a really great time!”?

One can never be too careful, right?

But things can get sticky when you obsess over MySpace. First of all, there is so much room for interpretation that you can end up reading too much into something that is truly innocent. Maybe when your girl’s pal says, “I had so much fun,” she really means it. Maybe there wasn’t any hanky panky.

The second pit-fall of MyStalking is when you take it too far and actually violate someone’s privacy. Recently my ex, who I de-friended back in January, confessed that she had been looking at my page quite frequently by using one of our mutual friend’s login information. She wanted to read my blogs, peruse my comments, etc. I was dumbfounded. I had mistakenly thought that I had protected myself from this by making my profile private, which only makes it visible to people I choose. Not so, folks….

My ex tried to justify her actions by saying that I had refused to give her acceptable answers during our breakup so she needed to read my intimate blogs to find answers. In other words, she stole from me. She crossed the line from MyStalking to MyObsessing!

With my privacy violated and my heart hurt, I began to examine what it really meant to spy on, investigate, or pursue someone via the web. Was I really okay with it, or did my own hurt change my mind?

The truth is that MyStalking shouldn’t even really be necessary. If we had the balls to approach our problems head on, then we wouldn’t need some covert way of finding out information. If we were able to ask for what we want and express our true fears and apprehensions, then we would be able to sit down with one another and work through it.

Nothing can replace good ol’ down-home communication. If you find yourself searching for answers in a “secret squirrel” way, then you’re probably in a relationship that is lacking in basic understanding.

Remember this, kids: MyStalking can be innocent enough, but it can come at a high price. So the next time you’re trying to get answers by combing through someone’s MySpace page, stop yourself and think. Maybe you’re not getting the answers you need because you simply did not ask the right questions.

Log out. Find that person and talk.

 By Scheri Smith

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