Joan Crawfish

Dear Joan,

Nine years ago I was in a therapy group for gay people trying to become straight through religion. This is how I met Frank. It was an obvious and instant attraction, but we were both too afraid to do anything about it. Frank ended up moving back to his hometown hoping his family and Church could further cure him. Since then, he returned often to visit friends, including me. During his last trip, we made passionate love…finally. It’s been 2 years now, and he hasn’t been back. He says he won’t return because he’s afraid it will happen again. I’ve been OUT for almost 5 years now. I realize that Frank is the closest that I’ve ever come to falling in love. I can’t help but believe that if I took the initiative, he would move back here to be with me. Am I fooling myself?

Listen Louise,

Oh, darling…those therapeutic support groups are a bitch, aren’t they? Every time I try to give up the booze, I end up pregnant! It just isn’t fair!

You’ve written a lady who is usually tied to the train tracks with a copy of The Girl Scout’s Guide to Untying Knots stuffed in her panties. Did I ever tell you of the times I’ve run down a Puerto Rican beach in slow motion, dragging that orange safety flotation thing behind me, only to watch my dark-eyed lover Arturo sink into the abyss…again?

Fortunately, you, my sweet angel, have managed to save your Self. I’m so proud to hear that you’ve discovered your truth and that you are living it. But now you want to fly off in your invisible jet to save Frank, someone who is afraid to see you again. We all know the allure of the brooding tortured man. It’s hot! It reminds me of my Jimmy and his boulevard of broken dreams. I so wanted to save him…perhaps in saving him, I’d be saving part of myself.

Your feelings, no matter how strong and genuine, won't be able to free the boy from the repression, guilt, shame and pain caused by his faulty belief system. After your own coming-out struggle, you have to know this. You need to move forward and continue to explore that part of your Self that still might need some saving. We’re all a work in progress. As OUT as we may be, there’s always some work to be done. So, let this be your focus, my little cupcake of love.

Best Wishes,

Joan