Joan Crawfish

Dear Joan,

A group of us have been planning a trip to California. Just a couple months before we depart, my good friend announces that he and his partner are getting married while in California. I’m thrilled for them, but it seems that they expect us to throw them the wedding. As friends, aren’t we supposed to throw a simple shower or a bachelor party or something? This is supposed to be my vacation. Now I’m suddenly paying for an expensive trip and a wedding? How should I go about this?

Listen Louise,

Most people don’ know that I interned at The White House one summer with the Special Etiquette Division. I would have continued working there as well if one certain secret service agent had kept the identity quiet of who was servicing him. You wouldn’t believe what goes on behind those Presidential doors! My roommate, Monica, and I use to place bets on who’d get to the oval office first…guess who won. I missed that oval office by just two secret service men…Damn! Did you know that fat bitch ruined one of my favorite dresses?! I can’t say much more due to all those papers they made me sign, but that’s just as well…let’s get back to the ‘etiquette’ issue.

Are your friends idiots? I’ve never heard of a friend expecting another friend to plan AND PAY for their wedding…how retarded! All I’ve ever been expected to do is visit Bed, Bath & Beyond and buy a gift equivalent to a dried up piece of chicken or fish and two hours of open bar…obviously for me, the gifts get a little pricey. Anyway, assuming they are idiots, here are my thoughts….

I believe the father of the bride is supposed to pay for the ceremony and reception. Oh, wait a minute, there is no bride. Does that throw all tradition of etiquette out the window? Then again, couples are marrying later in life now, have their own money and pay for it themselves. Either way, two boys on top of a wedding cake shouldn’t change who pays for it.

Here are few different things you can do: 1) Ask for a budget and a check; 2) Throw a cheap ass wedding and eat the cost; 3) Or sit them down and say how happy you are for them and how much you want to be a part of their wedding, but you simply can’t afford to pay for it.