I Do…and I Will…

California’s Doing Something Right!

It has been an exciting few months for gay marriage. As of mid-June, any gay couple from anywhere in the US can get married in sunny California. There is a possibility that the residency requirement to be married in Massachusetts may be removed by the time you read this. There are states that have civil unions, domestic partnerships, and reciprocal beneficiary laws. More and more countries around the world are extending marriage and civil rights to same-sex couples.

Personally, it has been an interesting journey for me and Cindi. At the beginning of our relationship we didn’t view marriage as a possibility or desire, partly due to our feminist leanings on the “institution” of marriage as well as the fact that she never married while I had been married. We created our own rituals and meanings behind our relationship.

As we bought our home together and named each other on hospital forms and as beneficiaries on life insurance policies, we became acutely aware of how unfair the system was. We researched what we needed to do to “protect” our relationship and ended up paying a lawyer a good amount of money for paperwork – a will, health care surrogate, and power of attorney. As gay marriage started to get news coverage, we found ourselves constantly talking more about it. We began to see it as a civil right.

Our friends got married in Canada, and I remember Cindi saying that once it was legal somewhere in the U.S., we should go there and get married…even though Kentucky wouldn’t recognize it. Massachusetts happened but the residency issue was an obstacle. But now, there is California! Cindi and I fell in love in Malibu while walking miles and miles on the beach. It would be perfect, and even more perfect with our children as witnesses.

I know we will marry, and in some ways it will be a political statement since Kentucky won’t recognize it. We have to achieve a statewide fairness law before we can even begin working on marriage equality here. But there is something very appealing now about having a marriage certificate framed and hanging proudly in our home.

Now, it’s just a matter of time – and the money needed for five airline tickets to California!

 By Kat Crawford